Excuse me far in advance for the use of any inappropriate run on sentences – that’s how I talk, and they are kind of my thing.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
From the time I was pretty young, I feel that I was a generally kind, future adult person. Letting other particularly sweet 3rd grade tyrants go first in the lunch line, holding the door open for older folks, and always paying compliments to others; like the time in 7th grade when *Suzie got that atrocious spiral perm, but I told her I thought it would look “fierce” if she just used some mouse or hair gel. (I probably said something far less cool than fierce, like great or fabulous or awesome; if I’m being honest.) Or the time in 4th grade that I got dared to pull *Ralphie’s pants down on the jungle gym exposing his tightie whities for all the other kiddies to see. I really just had a huge school girl crush on the little blonde surfer boy from California. I felt bad after the fact, especially since I had to miss recess for a whole week. A week! I’m truly sorry still today, *Ralphie. (I did say generally kind, folks.)
The point is that I spent a LOT of time, my entire childhood in fact, just trying to fit in and get other’s to like me. I didn’t have any idea of the importance of being as “kind” to yourself as you were to others. That’s something you have to be taught and learn from early on; and I spent my life trying to prove my worth to others, instead of a simple knowing, that I was enough. In my early 30s, I’m finally starting to grasp the concept.
It only took a series of painful relationships, raising a kid in a single parent home, health related issues, and other various hardships to see the light even more clearly. Heck, to really see the light at all! My inner self’s voice grew louder than ever bellowing, “You’ve never really been kind to you *Bon Qui Qui.” Ouch. By the way, random fact, did you know that Bon Qui Qui in French means your steak is ready!?! (Well, not actually. That would be Votre steak est prêt. Ha! Reason #832 not to rely on Google for fact checking)
Ever heard the phrase, “Garbage in is garbage out?” I do not intend this to mean someone else’s definition of religion, spirituality, or general purpose for your life; another man’s trash is another man’s treasure and that whole bit. I’m just speaking about the crap nonsense we sometimes tell ourselves, without even really thinking about how damaging our own words can be. It doesn’t take long for that inner dialogue to tear you down – mentally and physically..
Practicing self-love is vital to sustain happiness, generate success, and to create the best version of ourselves. (Not that, ahem, type of self love that reminds you of a George Michael song.)
One of the best ways I’m finding to practice self love & care:
Be Gentle With Yourself
If you are giving 110% of yourself and it’s still not good enough:
- Stop and evaluate who is saying it’s not good enough — is it you or someone else? If it’s you, pump your breaks, friend.. If you already know your giving it your all, why the heck are you going to try and belittle your efforts? One word that has made all the difference for me? Self – Affirmation. In other words, uplifting self talk. I like to find and reflect on a quote/verse that guides the tone/focus in my mind.
If it’s someone else whose doing the smack talkin’, remember you get to choose how you respond or don’t respond to their comments/behaviors. (Easier said than done, I know.) Negativity is born and bred from Insecurity, and some folks forget to take their chill pill every once and again. Don’t let that devalue your awesomeness! Also remember that there can be value even when the delivery is not tactful. Is there any part of the message you can apply that could help you? Take what you like, and leave the rest.
How are you practicing self care? What are some of your favorite positive self affirmations?